A’s take –
That moment when life slaps you in the face…. ya, that moment came last week…I’m not one to complain so please don’t take that as a complaint, but more of a reality check.
H and I woke up last Thursday excited to test and see if IUI#3 had worked. I was convinced it had worked! I had talked to her belly the entire tww (two week wait), all symptoms seemed to align with pregnancy, she had a relaxing week in San Diego, and everything just seemed to align…until it all didn’t…
The dreaded “not pregnant” flashed on the test and in that moment I was deflated. I know I’m supposed to be the strong one, the rock, because H goes through so much to give us a babe, but in that moment I lost it.
-I don’t get emotional often, ask anyone who knows me! Emotions aren’t worn on my sleeve and I’m not one to cry! “There’s no crying in baseball” –
But in that moment, hiding my face from H, I just started crying. What else was there to do? I wasn’t sure what to feel or how to express it all! I felt I had to hide it from H because I needed to be strong and assure her everything would be okay. Turns out I wasn’t hiding very well and she saw me crying and wanted to comfort me. She was okay, she was already thinking about our next steps, she handled it like a rock star. She tried to talk me down, but I couldn’t pull myself out of my own head. A few minutes passed and we needed to leave for our RE appointment for an official blood test..
We drove separate to the appointment so we could get to work after – I cried the entire way…Blood results came back a few hours later confirming we weren’t pregnant. I cried again…I wasn’t ready for IVF. I was convinced IUI would work for us and wasn’t ready to admit it wasn’t successful. H on the other hand was ready! She had our mandatory IVF classes aligned perfectly to begin right away. She was the rock. She talked me through the day. She stayed strong.
My love for H grows every day, but this day it grew leaps and bounds. We became a much stronger team, and by the end of the “what seemed to be a devastating day”, all was back to being okay. Reality had started to settle in and H and I were off to our first IVF class.
The weekend flew by as H and I worked a wedding in Seattle, which helped to get our minds off the new IVF reality. We had arranged for our neighbors to receive our IVF meds delivering while we were away. Upon coming home on Sunday our first reaction was to dive right in and check out what was sent. H was all about getting them organized and setting daily reminders to take what was needed. I on the other hand was overwhelmed, again – Strike 2 – As I sat in the kitchen staring at the sprawling selection of medications on our kitchen table, I just started to cry. I didn’t want H to have to go through this. I couldn’t think about seeing her in pain from the shots, or her getting nauseous from having to combine multiple medications. Yet again, she was okay! She was the rock. She talked me through the day. She stayed strong.
Monday came and our IVF calendar was spot on! Medications began and reality really set in. H and I are now officially a couple who are on the IVF journey.
I’ve read so many IVF stories online via blogs and social media as well as talked to many couples who have been down this same path. It’s been great to read and hear amazing success stories, but there is just something about when it becomes your IVF story. Everyone from family to friends and even IVF couples online have been more than supportive. The quick phone calls and touching text messages mean more than H and I could ever express. We’re new to this journey, and we’re out to venture it together. All fingers and toes crossed that IVF#1 is the winner. So here we go – wish us all the baby vibes.
H’s take –
Fireworks, I cried. Dogs catching Frisbees, I cried. I was sure that I was pregnant, I’m emotional but not THAT emotional.
A and I had been in San Diego the past week and were anxiously awaiting to go home and test. On Thursday morning I took the test and saw the ‘not pregnant’ flashing on the screen. I didn’t think much of it. We had a blood test that morning and that would tell us a definite yes or no. The results came back shortly after the blood draw. I definitely wasn’t pregnant. I felt awful, I felt like I had failed, my body had failed.
Our IVF journey started about 9 hours after we found out that we weren’t pregnant. I had scheduled our first IVF class and it happened to fall on the same day. We went to the class and holy cow, we learned a lot. The next day I ordered our IVF meds, I wanted to start this process asap, I wanted to be pregnant. That weekend we had a wedding in Seattle so we had a little weekend getaway. When we got home our meds were there. I unpacked all of them and then took out my calendar that said what to take when. The next day I started on birth control, pre natals, aspirin and doxycycline. As I did all of this I watched my wife fall apart. I may have been ready to start this journey but emotionally she was not. I felt awful. There were no words that I could say that would make her feel better about the situation that we were now in. I had to be strong for both of us. This was my new life, constant reminders to take some kind of pill. (I quickly learned to eat with doxycycline after getting sick once or twice)
We’re now on this new adventure and I’m not as scared as I was a month ago, I’m excited. The needles aren’t that big AND I don’t have to do them in the butt. I was seriously relieved to hear that! I’m also relieved that we don’t have any doctor’s appointments for almost three whole weeks! I’m looking forward to this new IVF journey that we’re taking and I couldn’t imagine doing this without A by my side. I love you Bug!